Feedback some notes to getting value from others here…
The best question to ask is
‘what can i do to do better as ……..’
Feedback asking how people feel about us, what they don’t like etc. tends to be ineffective in getting anything useful + people don’t want to give it to you! (messengers get shot!)
The best response is
no more or less. treat every piece of advise as a gift or compliment. make notes and go away and process. Its so easy to ask for help, then start arguing with the help offered with the result the person you asked doesn’t want to do offer anything more.
Finding the blind spots. A chance to move forward.
Here is a list of tools I use
Marshall Goldsmith highlights this using a Johari window.
The 4 quadrants are: what I only know about myself (private), what I don’t know and other don’t either (not use of course), what I know and is know to others (public, probably limited) and finally what I don’t know and other do (blind spots and the information to make changes that count)
Suggestions to find the blind spots
You have to observe to see!
What do people say casually about you – make a list. So ‘can’t get in contact with you Simon’, ‘you don’t seem to have this done clearly’, ‘are you listening?’, ‘could you put the phone down please?’ may all be showing up patterns.
The listen to yourself. Are you constantly either saying how great you are, or how bad you are? Great phrases like ‘it doesn’t really matter to me but…’ = this seriously matters to me!
Do a good Physc test and share it with a significant other, and listen.
I’ve recently done a variety of different ones and would recommend HBNI and McQuaig for coaching assignments. If you are very ‘numbers and words’ then a Hogan profile.
These surveys are very accurate and come from your own answers rather than 360 group feedbacks.
As a version of this you don’t have to do a test to get some feedback from the significant other at home – but you may need a third party to ask the question (like the coach). The ‘other’ does see you as you are. When I’ve talked to my wife about being driven and dominate in my thinking (which I’d prefer to think is me being helpful and working with people) she gently laughs and says ‘of course you’. She has 35yrs of it!
Tribal Leadership (Dave Logans best seller) has a method called ‘Daily Boxes’. You self score each day out of 5 to the areas of Exercise, Attitude, Rejuvenation, Nutrition. Simple but revealing.
Sentence completion. Pick something you want to get better. Put into into a sentence ‘if I get better at…I will…’ Don’t stop until you have gone down 10 versions. The surprise is you start to say the core truths.
Journal. Writing is a discipline that engages mind, eye and hand. Talking to yourself in this way often produces themes and ideas that are ‘core’ to you. Just notice them, don’t go back re reading areas.
Dissociate and observe, then re integrate. A little harder to do until you practice. Its important to do it from the perspective of an enquiry. Look at all these things, Notice whats strong and whats weakly trying for attention, be curious in this, what are these things saying thats helping/ thats distracting. Reintegrate with some personal love and acceptance.
Part of growth is accepting we don’t have all the answers.Read more
Often, as I explore a dialogue with a person we go beyond the superficial issues, and start to approach the nagging worry that is central. It is the area that has been holding them back. It lives in a sort of twilight, only partly conscious, but enormously empowered.
It is unlikely this is about their competency at work, or their balance of life, even though important. No, it is more central than that, it is around their reason to be, and who they are and are they OK? It is around the what ifs and deep hopes, even dreams.Read more